Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize