there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
