My first STD was from a foam party
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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