Im at strip club and am horny
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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