I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
