What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
