i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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