yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
