girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
