Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
