Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
