Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
