This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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