I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
