I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize