Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
