I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
