What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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