I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize