That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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