i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
