dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
