Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Reggie can tackle my bush.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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