the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
