Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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