Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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