so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
