Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize