I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
