so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
