Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
