is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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