i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
