I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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