We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
