Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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