party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
