I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
