I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
