and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
