ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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