I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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