I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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