the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I stole a fireplace last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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