i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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