When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize