i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
