look no pants
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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