i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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