Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
