Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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