There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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