was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
