she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
