He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
