Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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