I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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