God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
