Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
