This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
