There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize