She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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