check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
