I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
