I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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