I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You're like the curious george of whores
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
