i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
