Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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