Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize