the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
