my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
