I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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