She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
