I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A+ Viking dick
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
