Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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