Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
