I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish I could teleport
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
