I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
