I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
tell me about the fingering
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