Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
