Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize