Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize