I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
