My nipple is on Facebook.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
