Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Two words: blizzard sex
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
