I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
