I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
