i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
