Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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