He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
