im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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