Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
