perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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