Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
