Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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