I hate your face
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
