the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this boner is exhausting
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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