honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
from now on my penis is your penis
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
