does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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