Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
