Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Too much gin, very little bucket
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Randomize
