mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
