This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
