There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize